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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28569210">Not Nearly Enough</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Moonlitdark/pseuds/Moonlitdark'>Moonlitdark</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Anal Sex, Angst, M/M, Post-Break Up</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 04:01:02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,350</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28569210</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Moonlitdark/pseuds/Moonlitdark</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes love just isn't enough.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter, Harry Potter/Blaise Zabini</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>74</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Not Nearly Enough</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Originally posted a long time ago on Livejournal. So if it seems familiar, you've probably read it before, but this version has a few edits.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Draco sipped his drink and asked the question that had been niggling at him all evening.   </p>
<p>“Did I see you with Potter last night?” </p>
<p>“Yeah.”  </p>
<p>Blaise Zabini’s leering grin reminded Draco that despite the fact that he regularly met up with his old school friend for a drink and a chat about fond times, he sometimes didn’t like him very much. </p>
<p>“Took him out to that new club you mentioned.”  </p>
<p>“Been seeing him long?” </p>
<p>“A few weeks now.” </p>
<p>Although he was reluctant to appear overly interested in Potter’s love life, Draco felt irrationally inquisitive to find out more, so he asked, “When are you meeting him again?” </p>
<p>“I’m not.” </p>
<p>Draco stilled as his glass was about to touch his lips.  “You broke up already?”    </p>
<p>“Nothing to break up,” Zabini shrugged.  “I was just putting up with him until I found out just how good the great Harry Potter really was.  Since I finally did that last night, I don’t really have a use for him now.  Although he was a good lay, I suppose.” </p>
<p>Carefully lowering his glass to the table between them before he hurled it at his friend’s face, Draco whispered through his growing rage, “How did he take it?”   </p>
<p>Zabini looked puzzled at the hostile look he was receiving.  “Take what?” </p>
<p>“When you told him you didn’t want to continue the relationship, of course!  Was he okay?” </p>
<p>“I didn’t tell him.”  </p>
<p>“So, Harry doesn’t actually <i>know</i> that it’s over?”  </p>
<p>“I didn’t think to mention it.  I’m sure he’ll get the idea, though.”      </p>
<p>Draco glared across the table.  “Don’t you think you ought to <i>tell</i> him?”    </p>
<p>“Nah.  A little slut like Potter isn’t worth the bother. As I’m sure you remember,” Zabini smirked as he raised his glass. </p>
<p>The scream that emanated when the blast of red light hit Zabini under the table cheered Draco’s soul considerably.  Draco strode angrily from the bar, his wand still gripped tightly in his right hand.  </p>
<p>Storming away, he tried to decide why that conversation had made him so furious. After all, it wasn’t as if he was supposed to give a shit what happened to Harry anymore. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>............</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Over the next few days, Draco had observed from a safe vantage point as Harry became steadily quieter and withdrawn, the rejection undoubtedly sinking in.  </p>
<p>Not that Draco would ever admit to keeping such close tabs, but he had noticed that Harry had not dated or shown interest in any man in at least a year.  Draco wanted very badly to shake some sense into him, to somehow make Harry realise that it would be wiser to be more carefully selective in his choice of future partners, but foolish to disregard the prospect of any at all.  This of course would merely be to spare himself from having to witness any further depressing melancholy seeping from his colleague across the thankfully large and crowded office.  But he didn’t approach Harry, instead choosing to leave the man to work through his issues on his own. </p>
<p>Almost a month later, when no significant improvements in Harry’s demeanour were apparent, Draco was becoming increasingly concerned.  Now Draco stood by the low gate outside a familiar small cottage, wondering if the wards would still admit him.  He had long ago lectured Harry on the importance of keeping his wards up to date, but now wished he hadn’t.  </p>
<p>Stretching an arm out, Draco felt the distinct tingle of powerful magic and cursed his own efficient persuasion.   Hesitant to open the floodgates that unnecessary communication with Harry usually resulted in, Draco questioned why he had felt compelled to come here or what exactly he hoped to achieve.  But he felt a strange kind of responsibility, given that it was his so-called friend who had caused the latest problem.     </p>
<p>All instances of anything other than business related conversation during the past year had ended in either awkward silence or shouting, therefore Draco had been sure that sending an owl to Harry’s home and giving advanced warning of his intention to visit would only serve to create further difficulty.  </p>
<p>Feeling sure that the floo would most definitely be blocked to him, he hadn’t attempted to use it but was just thinking it might be worth a try when a pale and tired looking Harry abruptly apparated by his left side. </p>
<p>“Go away,” Harry snapped, at least showing more spark than he had lately. </p>
<p>“I want to talk to you.”  </p>
<p>“About what?  Is this month’s serving of gossip from your pal proving so entertaining that you’ve come to rub it in?” </p>
<p>“Stop being pathetic,” Draco drawled as he turned to face Harry, “and let me in.” </p>
<p>Harry’s arms folded across his chest defensively.  “Don’t tell me what to do.” </p>
<p>“Surely you couldn’t have liked Zabini all <i>that</i> much?” </p>
<p>“No… of course I didn’t.” </p>
<p>Draco knew Harry well enough to know that when his eyes shifted ever so slightly away, it always betrayed his true feelings. He sighed at Harry’s poor judgment.  “Blaise is selfish and only interested in himself.  I’m very disappointed that you didn’t figure that out before he dumped you.”  </p>
<p>Harry’s gaze flicked back fiercely.  “You mean, unlike you?  And he didn’t dump me!”    </p>
<p>“Cute, Potter,” Draco raised his chin haughtily, keeping his own necessary defences tightly in place. “Are you in denial?”   </p>
<p>“No.  I just don’t think that it really qualifies as dumping if you don’t even bother to tell the other person that you're not dating them anymore.  Is that why you’re here?  Did you come to gloat on behalf of Team Slytherin Bastards?”   </p>
<p>“Don’t tar us all with the same brush.” </p>
<p>Harry snorted. “That’s a laugh.  You're the biggest bastard of all, Malfoy and you know it!”    </p>
<p>“Maybe.  But your judgment is clearly getting worse.”    </p>
<p>“Well, it <i>must</i> be improving since I’ve managed to avoid being involved with <i>you</i> for such a long time!” yelled Harry.    </p>
<p>“Our relationship has nothing to do with this.”    </p>
<p>Harry actually sneered. “Because that went <i>so</i> well.”   </p>
<p>Finding himself in the middle of yet another argument, Draco felt that this was not going as planned. He looked at the man before him and considered yet again the reasons why they could never seem to make their relationship a success.  All the right components had appeared to be present, but all they had ever succeeded in doing was alienating each other so much that they had struggled to remember the essential fact that they were in love.   When they had parted for the last time, the relief from their friends had reinforced the belief that it was the correct decision.  </p>
<p>And Draco was now well aware that he had made the wrong one by coming here, but would not back down now that he had. </p>
<p>“As I recall, there was a good deal of lack of co-operation on your part as well, Potter.”    </p>
<p>“I did the best I could with what I had to work with!” </p>
<p>“If that was your best, I despair for you.” </p>
<p>“It must be great being fucking perfect.”   </p>
<p>“It is.”  </p>
<p>Draco caught the twitch of a curtain from the next cottage out of the corner of his eye.  “Perhaps we could continue this little rant inside?  Your neighbours are getting a treat.”   Draco wanted to move the conversation into a surrounding where Harry might become more relaxed and where he hoped they might be able to hold a civilised conversation without shouting things they didn’t really mean. </p>
<p>“Fine.  It doesn’t look like I’m getting rid of you soon, anyhow,” Harry grumbled, but the hand he placed on Draco’s arm was almost tender before he apparated both of them into his home. </p>
<p>The instant they arrived, Harry let go and backed away.  “Well, I suppose you’d better sit down if you're not leaving.” </p>
<p>Draco didn’t sit. He stood proudly, trying to remind himself that the reason he came here was through some, however misguided, notion to offer assistance. </p>
<p>“Why did you even get involved with someone like Zabini in the first place?” Draco sighed quietly. “You know what he’s like.” </p>
<p>Harry’s defensive stance slumped slightly in reaction to Draco's soft tone.   “He… seemed nice.” </p>
<p>“Zabini was never nice, surely you remember that?” </p>
<p>“I suppose that I wanted to believe he’d changed.”    </p>
<p>“People like him never change.”    </p>
<p>“Do people like us?”  </p>
<p>“Perhaps,” Draco sighed again.  “But not sufficiently.” </p>
<p>“I just wanted to be… close to someone.  To have some contact,” Harry whispered as he sat in a nearby chair, dropping his face into his hands.  “It was stupid.”  </p>
<p>Encouraged that a little of the Harry he knew had started to shine through again, Draco had a strong desire to reassure him.  He knelt on the soft carpet in front of Harry.   </p>
<p>“It’s not wrong to want that.  Just be careful who you pick.  But even then, not everyone’s going to work out.”     </p>
<p>Harry’s voice was muffled by his hands.  “Like you didn’t?”  </p>
<p>Draco felt a smile break over his face, despite his best attempts to stifle it.   “I think we proved over the years that we’re not the best match after all.”   </p>
<p>“But we did have our good points.”    </p>
<p>“Yes.”  Draco curled a hand under Harry’s chin to raise his face and was dismayed to see wetness in his eyes.  “But it wasn’t ever enough.”    </p>
<p>Harry spoke almost inaudibly, “We really made each other miserable, didn’t we?”  </p>
<p>“We did,” he nodded.  </p>
<p>“Sometimes I wish you were here with me.”  Draco yearned to hold him, to offer some comfort.  But he knew it would only be a temporarily solution. </p>
<p>“But us… it just doesn’t work, Harry.”    </p>
<p>“I know, but…”    </p>
<p>“I’d only hurt you again.” Draco’s eyes followed the trail of a tear as it slid down Harry’s left cheek. </p>
<p>“I think I hurt you just as much.  But maybe it’d be different this time.”   </p>
<p>“Isn’t that what we always said?” Draco murmured softly, wiping the tear away with his thumb and basking in the smoothness of Harry’s skin. </p>
<p>“I suppose so.” </p>
<p>“Did it ever turn out differently?”    </p>
<p>Harry shook his head slowly.  “No.”   </p>
<p>“So, nothing will have changed now.” Harry’s breathing deepened and Draco realised that he was absently stroking Harry's wet cheek. Draco was too close… he should move away. </p>
<p>“But I… miss you, Draco.” Harry’s face seemed to be even nearer.   </p>
<p>“I miss you too.”  </p>
<p>“You do?”   </p>
<p>“Yes.” </p>
<p>It was hard to tell who initiated the kiss. Draco hadn’t been even aware that he had been leaning in. The kiss was gentle, familiar. </p>
<p>Draco settled between denim-clad legs as Harry scooted forward in his seat to press their bodies together. Draco had missed this; it felt like home. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>............</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Draco lifted his hips up off the floor and pushed back as Harry pressed forward with well-practised ease. As Harry slid in, Draco felt complete but he knew that it would never be nearly enough.  Wrapping his legs around Harry’s waist as their rhythm began, his heart steadily filled with a dull ache even as his excitement grew. As he looked up into those huge green eyes, he saw Harry’s own doubt.  But doubt didn’t matter at this moment, in this perfect melding of bodies which had been apart for too long.  </p>
<p>As Harry bent to kiss him again, Draco responded with all the depth of his love, because he knew it would be the last time.  They weren’t what each other needed, that had been proven time and time again. But still Draco’s selfish desires longed for a future which he knew they would never successfully have together. </p>
<p>Harry sped up his thrusts and Draco moved up to meet each one, torn between the urge for release and the desire to prolong the moment for as long as possible.  Desperate to relish every second before they inevitably parted yet again, he tried to delay his orgasm but Harry gradually drew it out and Draco came with a low cry of loss. </p>
<p>Soon, Draco lay on his back in the deep pile of the carpet, close to tears as he took stock of just how badly his endeavour had gone.  He had made the situation a great deal worse.  </p>
<p>Fingers loosely linked with Harry’s hand resting on his stomach, Draco tried to speak through the lump in his throat. “I’m sorry, Harry.”   </p>
<p>Harry snuggled in closer, resting his head on Draco’s chest to gaze up at him.  “For what?”   </p>
<p>“For this.”  Draco stared at the ceiling, not wanting to see any trace of pain in Harry’s expression.  “For all of it.”   </p>
<p>Harry’s fingers tightened around his.  “Not everything that happened between us was your fault.” </p>
<p>“But this doesn’t change anything.” </p>
<p>“I know,” Harry sighed. “Why did it always go so wrong?”   </p>
<p>“There were many reasons. And you know every one of them, if you just let yourself remember.” </p>
<p>“We weren’t happy, were we?”    </p>
<p>“No, we weren’t.” </p>
<p>“We’d end up hurting each other all over again, wouldn’t we?”   Draco brought his gaze down to meet Harry’s and though he saw pain in Harry’s eyes, it had a hint of resignation to it, rather than grief.  </p>
<p>“Yes.”   </p>
<p>Harry slid off Draco’s chest and sat up, frowning.  “Do you regret it?  I mean, what we just did?”   </p>
<p>“No… I don’t.”    </p>
<p>“Me neither.  But you don’t think that we should take it any further.”   </p>
<p>“Do <i>you</i> think we should?”     </p>
<p>Harry let out a faint, half-hearted chuckle.  “Probably wouldn’t be the greatest idea.  But do you think that we could at least… try to be friends this time?” </p>
<p>That at least would be something that they hadn't tried before. </p>
<p>“I think we can at least attempt it.”  Looking up at Harry’s imploring gaze, Draco amazed himself with the genuineness of the smile he managed to return.  “Just promise me this, Harry.  The next time that you decide to begin a new relationship, please don’t select someone I’m going to have to attack again if they hurt you.” </p>
<p>The mischievous grin that slowly appeared on Harry’s face was a balm to Draco’s soul. </p>
<p>“But isn’t that what friends are for?” </p>
<p>“It might well be,” Draco agreed. </p>
<p>Maybe there would be a place for him in Harry’s life after all.</p>
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